Every Tear a Symbol
by Dream1n9big
Summary: One Shot: Feelings surface after Mulder returns from the dead.


This is an extended scene from "Three Words" that Karen asked me to write because she feels the show did not do it justice, and I agree. Special thanks to Marina and Karen for countless reads and edits. I do not own these characters...unfortunately.

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_Mulder's Apartment_

(Mulder sits at his desk, Scully stands a few feet away)

"Mulder...I don't know if you'll ever understand what it was like. First learning of your abduction...and then searching for you and finding you dead. And now to have you back and..." Scully's voice breaks before she can finish.

"Well you act like you're surprised," Mulder says with a grin - one that quickly fades at the look on her face.

"I prayed a lot," she murmurs, eyes glistening. And my prayers have been answered."

Mulder eyes her swollen abdomen. "In more ways than one."

"Yeah."

"I'm happy for you. I think I know...how much that means to you." He looks away and the silence hangs between them.

Scully hesitates, eyes filling with tears. "Mulder..."

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be cold or ungrateful. I just...I have no idea where I fit in...right now. I just uh, I'm having a little trouble...processing everything."

Scully stares at Mulder, her pained expression an outward sign of the struggle within. How could she make him understand? What would it take to make him realize how important he is? "Mulder." His name leaves her lips in a sigh as she steps toward him and places a hand on his shoulder. He tenses at her touch but doesn't move. "Mulder, I know it must be difficult, coming back and wanting to go right back to what you were doing before you disappeared when the rest of us have moved on..."

"That's just it!" he shouts as he slams his fist down on the desk. The outburst causes her to step back in surprise, a hand instinctively moving to her stomach. "Everyone has gone on like what I've done doesn't matter! No delays, no setbacks...it's like I was never here!"

"Mulder..."

"No!" He is fuming and Scully knows to just let him get it out. She waits quietly as his rant continues. "I've dedicated my life to the FBI. The least they can do is respect what I was trying to do!" He stops to take a deep breath, letting his blood pressure return to normal. Scully watches him, waiting to see if he'll continue. When he doesn't, she risks a turn.

"Mulder." Scully's voice is soft. How can she articulate the compassion she feels for the man seated before her, the man she loves? Her whole body tingles with the urge to go to him, comfort him, but she keeps her distance. "Mulder, listen to me. We had to move on, if for no other reason than for this child." She looks down and her hand caresses the soft swell. "I had to make sure it was safe, that I was doing all I could to keep it that way. After what happened to you, it became even more important. But I never moved on...from you..." She pauses, remembering. "Mulder, I had to watch them lower your body into the ground. Do you know what that's like?" She was barely whispering, her voice catching. Mulder continued staring at the ground, refusing to look at her. "Knowing that you've lost your only constant in the world, knowing that your child will have to grow up...without its father?" With this final word, Scully breaks down, silent tears streaming down her face. Her blue eyes shine despite their sadness.

Mulder cannot stand seeing her this way, especially when he is the cause, but when he finally looks up, it is mostly out of surprise at her confession. It is hard enough to swallow the fact that a barren woman is standing before him very much pregnant, but hearing the affirmation that this baby - this _miracle_ - is his renders him temporarily aphonic. It takes a couple of minutes - horrible, painstaking minutes of dead silence, apart from her tiny sniffles, before he finds his voice again. "Scully," he says, rising to stand and pulling her into his arms. Her head rests gently against his chest, their unborn child nestled snugly between them. He places a kiss on top of her head and whispers an apology into her hair.

She continues to cry, every tear a symbol. Fear, loss, heartache, hope, despair, relief. One by one they fall until all of her built up emotions have stained the front of his shirt. He strokes her hair until she becomes quiet. With red-rimmed eyes, she looks up to pools of hazel staring back - eyes so full of love that even the boiling anger that resided in them only moments before seems light years away. Eyes she hoped her baby would have.

She starts to pull away but he grasps her arm and places his other hand on her belly, jumping slightly when a ripple makes its way from one end to the other. "It always tickles," Scully laughs, the high-pitched giggle that is reserved for those rarest of times when she lets go of her typical professional attitude. Mulder looks up in awe, reveling in its melody. It is his favorite sound in the world, and he craves it in its absence. A grin spreads across his face as he watches her, eyes dancing with affection. When she finally catches her breath, he takes it again with a soft kiss on the lips. Pulling away, he brushes her cheek with his thumb.

Gazing up into his eyes, Scully smiles, the kind of smile that forgives and forgets but knows that the situation has made them stronger, closer. She wraps her arms tightly around his middle and pulls him as close as possible, closing her eyes and breathing in that familiar scent she had prayed so earnestly for God to bring back to her. "I missed you," she sighs with the exhale.

"I missed you, too," he whispers, holding her tight, silently promising to protect the only two things that mattered to him in the world, the two things that _were_ his world.

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Please rate and review! Thanks for reading! ~Shan


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